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Alternative Episodes: Episode 1 |
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Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4
Scene 1
Night time. Exterior Tony Sopranos bedroom. The door is closed. We hear slight
moans and groans as Tony and Camela are making love.
(Dean Martin's "Memories are made of this" begins to play)
The door opens, and we see them romping under the covers. They finish and Tony
rolls over. He reaches to the night stand and lights up a cigar. Carmela is on
her back staring at the ceiling, with a smirk on her face. The camera pans very
slowly around the bed, catching both of them in silence. The "afterglow". The
music continues to play. They are laying side by side, face up staring at the
ceiling. Music stops.
Carmela:
I'm starting my art classes tomorrow.
Tony: (confused)
What? What art classes? What the fuck are you talking about?
He puffs on his cigar and continues staring at the ceiling.
Carmela:
At the Community College. It's art history, a non-credit thing. I'm doing it
because I would like to start an art collection. The walls around this house are
too bland. I don't want the smoke from these cigars turning my walls yellow. At
least I'll have something to look at while they peel away from the goddamn
stains.
Tony:
How much is this bullshit going to cost, huh? Paintings? I'm not spending my
money on some asshole child molester's rendition of the Mona Lisa. It will last
two fucking weeks and you'll drop out.
He puffs on his cigar. Carmela continues to stare.
Carmela:
Whatever. You see, this how I always imagined my nights would end. Thank you for
supporting me in something I have an interest toward. Put that thing out, I'm
going to sleep, goodnight.
Tony:
I'll support you in anything that doesn't involve my wallet. But artwork? Jesus
Christ, come on. Start by drawing it yourself.
Tony smashes the cigar in the ashtray. Turns away from Carm and turns the light
off.
Fade out.
Scene 2
Fade in, daytime. A busy downtown district in North Jersey. Interior Paulie
Walnut's Cadillac, Chris is in the passenger's seat. They are dressed
casually.
Paulie:
How you making out, Chrissy? You enjoying yourself yet? (snickering) I told you
before, it's not a bad deal. Just keep your head up, and that goddamn schnooze
of yours clean.
Chris: (staring out the window)
You keep getting your 6 points every week don't you?
Paulie laughs, and makes a right turn onto another street. After a few seconds,
police lights flash and Paulie looks in the rear-view mirror.
Paulie: (in disbelief)
Fuck! We're getting fucking pulled over! Motherfucker! Shit. Keep your goddamn
mouth shut, ok.
Chris:
Fuck! Shit. Yeah.
Chris reaches into his waist and pulls out a small revolver and hides it under
the seat. After pulling over he puts the window down and the police officer
strolls up to the car.
Paulie: (containing his rage, smiling)
How are you officer, today? What's the problem?
Police Officer:
I caught you making a right turn on red back there. That intersection is not
designated for that maneuver. Can I see your license and insurance card please?
Paulie:
Sure, (under his breath) you fucking pig bastard.
P.O.:
Excuse me?
Paulie:
Oh nothing. (looking for his proper ID)
Chris laughs as Paulie pulls the proper paper work from the glove box.
Paulie gives him a stare. He hands the papers to the cop. The cop takes the ID
and returns back to his cruiser.
Paulie:
These cocksuckers are unbelievable. What fucking turn. They like to fuck with us
everytime.
Chris:
It's bullshit, man. They're just breaking our balls.
The cop returns. Hands Paulie back his papers.
P.O.:
I'm going to write you a ticket.
Paulie:
You're writing me a ticket? For that turn I made. Can you let me off with a
warning? I promise you, I'll never do it again officer. (arrogant smile)
P.O.:
Well, hmmm. I don't know. (crossing his arms, putting his hand under his chin)
It's really not a good idea to let things like this slip bye. Especially with
all the traffic accidents today. That's why insurance in NJ is so high. I gotta
write you up.
The cop stares at Paulie, sporting a cocky smile. They look at each other for
several seconds in silence.
Paulie:
I wouldn't like that. Maybe there is an easier way outta dis. You, uh,
understand what I'm saying?
P.O.: (smiling pathetically)
I think I do.
Paulie:
Is there 50 ways outta dis?
Paulie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. Chris looks on
in silence.
P.O.:
Oh, no... I think it's more like 250 ways. ( the cop points his finger at
Paulie) There are 250 ways out of this as far as I'm concerned. (he smiles)
Paulie: (angrily)
250 fucking ways!?! Motherfucker!
Paulie peels off the money and gives it to the cop.
P.O.: (smiling)
Drive carefully and have a good day boys!
The cop heads back to his car.
Paulie:
Go fuck yourself, jerkoff!
Chris:
Fucking pigs are no good, their always looking for a hand-out. That fuck went
back to his car and ran your plates. He knew what the fuck he was doing the
whole time, man! We should turn around and blow that fucker off the road!
Paulie: (In disgust)
Will you shut the fuck up! Are you hearing yourself? Kill a pig? That's just
what we need. T will have my balls, as well as yours, on a roll with provolone.
You better start thinking. (tapping the side of his head with his index finger)
Fade out
Scene 3
Daytime. Interior of AJ's school. The hallway bustles with kids. It's the end of
the day and everyone is leaving.
AJ: (toward his friend)
Hey Joe! What's up , man? (slapping hands)
Joe:
Not much bro. What are you doing later? Want to come over and play Sony?
AJ:
Ok, cool. (looking in other direction) Hey who's that?(pointing at a girl)
Joe:
I dont know. I think she's new this year. She's hot. I'd let her blow me.
(laughing, imitating hand on head around his waist)
AJ: (smiles uncomfortably)
Yea so would I.
AJ stares at the girl in the hallway. He's perplexed. Amazed at her beauty. She
is petite, blond with blue eyes.
AJ:
Oh shit, she's coming this way!
(he turns away from her as she approaches)
Joe:
Come on man, don't be a pussy. Turn around, here she comes.
The girl, holding her books, walks toward AJ and Joe. She looks at AJ and
smiles.
Girl:
Hi!
AJ:
What's up?
She keeps walking and exits the building.
AJ: (blushed)
Aw man she's hot. I can't believe she said hi to me.
Joe:
You pussy, you had a boner the whole time! (laughing)
AJ:
Shut it asshole. Let's get out of here.
They exit the building.
Fade out.
Scene 4
Nighttime. Interior Soprano house. Living room. Tony is on the couch watching
"The Three Stooges" Laughing hysterically every other minute. Cut to upstairs.
Carmela passes the bathroom. AJ is inside the door is shut.
Carmela: (checking her watch, knocking on bathroom door)
Anthony Jr! It's been a half-hour! Are you okay in there.
AJ: (from inside)
I'm fine! I'll be out in ten minutes!
Carmela:
I don't think so. You better hurry, you've been in there long enough! What are
you doing in there? You better not be making a mess! Not in my clean bathroom.
AJ:
Ok!
Inside the bathroom. AJ has a towel wrapped around his waist. He just stepped
out of the shower. 3 Dirty magazines adorn the counter. He's flipping through
one of them checking out the pictures.
AJ: (staring in amazement)
Oh man! (flipping pages) Look at those tits! (flipping page) Damn she's hot,
man!
Cut to Living room, phone rings
Tony:
Hello?
Meadow:
Can I talk to mom please?
Tony: (sarcastically)
Hey, I'm fine! Thanks for asking. So how you doing?
Meadow:
Hello, can I talk to mom please?
Tony:
Listen to me. If you want to keep on enjoying life up there you better start
learning some manners. Don't bother calling here if your gonna be rude like
this!
Meadow:
Hi dad! I'm doing fine. How are you?
Tony:
That's better, next time you call put a little heart into it.
Carmela descends the staircase and enters the living room
Tony:
Here's your mother. (he hands Carmela the phone)
Carmela:
Hello?
Meadow:
Hi mom. Are you going to be home tomorrow afternoon so I can bring the laundry
by?
Carmela:
Yes, I'll be here.
Meadow:
Ok, I have to go. (she hangs up)
Carmela:
Ok, b- (she realizes Meadow hangs up. She looks at the phone)
(sarcastically)I love you too. (toward Tony) Your son has been in that bathroom
for 35 minutes. I don't know what he's doing in there.
Tony:
And? (watching TV) What are you telling me for?
Carmela: (disgusted)
Nevermind! (she marches back upstairs)
Carmela puts her ear to the door. Silence.
Carmela:
Anthony!! (pounding on door) Open up this door right now!! Right now damn it!
Silence...
Carmela:
Anthony? Right now!
AJ: (from behind door)
Ok! Just a minute.
Camela:
What are you doing?
AJ:
I'm getting dressed, hold on.
A minute goes by and the door swings open
AJ:
Can't I get any privacy in this house!?! Man!
Carmela:
You were in that bathroom for 40 minutes. That's long enough. You have a bedroom
to have your privacy in.
AJ:
Thank god! (in sweats, he goes into his room, and shuts the door behind him)
Carmela:
Don't get smart with me!
Carmela heads into the bathroom, she looks down and discovers a white protrusion
in the cabinet underneath the sink. She opens the cabinet door, and a Penthouse
magazine falls out. Her jaw hits the floor, and her eyes widen.
Fade out
Scene 5
Fade In. Afternoon. Interior Melfi's office. Tony's weekly appointment.
Dr. Melfi:
So, we left off last week. Oh, I'd like to apologize about that last week. That
wasn't me. I think you may have been right how I came back to work to quickly.
I'm sorry
Tony: (smiling)
That's ok. Don't worry about it. It's nothing.
Dr. Melfi:
Ok. Good. (takes a deep breath)
Tony:
So, your better this week right. Feeling good, moving around alot faster I can
see. I'm glad.
Dr. Melfi:
Yes I am, thank you. Feeling better. I'm gonna be ok.
Tony: (playing with the armrest of his chair using his hand, he looks at Melfi)
Good. You look nice today. (laughs) As always.
Dr. Melfi: (chuckling lightly)
Thanks. (she smiles at him softly)
She begins to rub her hand along her thigh, very softly, and innocently staring
at Tony. She's smiling. Tony notices her hand and just watches it for a second,
transfixed.
Dr. Melfi:
Mr. Soprano? Mr. Soprano?
Tony: (looking at melfi)
Yea? Oh I'm sorry I just....
Dr. Melfi:
Any more episodes? Anything happen this week for you?
Tony: (chuckling)
Well, uh. If you must know (his hands are folded in his lap) my wife found some
dirty magazines my son's been hiding. I think he's been jerking-off a lot. (he
looks at the floor and back up at melfi) So that's something new and exciting I
get to deal with now. My horny son likes to slap the salami in my bathroom.
(laughs)
Dr. Melfi:
I see. I'm sure you knew that was inevitable. I mean to say that it shouldn't
have come to such a shock to find out that your son is becoming a man. It's
normal.
Tony: (he leans in)
That's not the thing that really bothered me when my wife told me.
Dr. Melfi: (confused)
It wasn't??
Tony:
No. I mean Jesus Christ, come on. He's a little horny, so what. It doesn't
bother me. When I was young I had to drop my pants every ten minutes to let the
steam out. But the thing that got me thinking was he's getting older. Each day
he's got a little more freedom. He can read the papers. He's got the Internet,
the news. In other words, it gets harder and harder for me to shield him from
things he might hear. Stuff about me, thing's I do, from other people. (he
stands up) God knows who is filling his head with all kinds of shit. Crazy shit
I have done. People I may have run into. I don't want him near this shit. (he
puts his hand on his head)
Dr. Melfi:
Ok, I see what your trying to say. He's not a little guy anymore. A baby. He can
decide for himself which things to believe and which not to believe. Do you feel
this threatens your relationship with him?
Tony:
Yes! Fuck! I can't stop any of this. I can't stop him from getting older. I got
to worry about all those fucking stunods out there trying to get into trouble. I
don't want that for him. (he sits back down) My daughter still is seeing this
bastard up at school. She's still pissed at me, go figure. My wife wants to
start collecting art now. You believe this shit? If she wants art I can take a
dump on a pillowcase and fucking staplegun it to our wall and sign my fucking
name to it. There's your art!
Dr. Melfi:
You have a lot to say this week.
Tony:
Yea no shit.
Melfi's phone rings.
Dr. Melfi:
I'm sorry this isn't supposed to be ringing. Let me get this real quick.
Tony:
Sure.
She gets up and heads to her desk and answers it. She has a pale green silk
blouse on. A black skirt, tight, excentuating her rear. Tony stares at her ass
as she talks. She hangs up. She turns around and happens to get Tony glancing at
her rear. He pulls his eyes away slowly. She smiles.)
Dr. Melfi: (sitting down)
Ok, now-- (Tony interrupts)
Tony:
I think you have a beautiful body. I told you I like you. You have a great ass.
I like it.
Dr. Melfi:
Mr. Soprano, please. If you can't keep things professional and civil I'm going
to have to end this session.
Tony:
You mean when I come in here, you feel nothing? No arousal? No enjoyment that
I'm here in your presence.
Dr. Melfi:
No, nothing. I'm happily married thank you.
Tony:
That blouse you have on is really showing off your breasts. They're great! Last
week you were ready to tell me something. I want to know what it was. (he
chuckles)
Dr. Melfi:
Ok, that's it you have to go. Out!
She stands up and points to the door walking toward it. Tony gets up and follows
her. She reaches for the door knob, and tries to open the door. Tony is leaning
on it looking at her. Silence.
Dr. Melfi:
Please leave.
Tony keeps staring, he reaches up and takes off her glasses slowly
(The intro to Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion" begins)
Dr. Melfi: (very softly)
Please. Please go.
Tony keeps looking into her eyes. He places his hand on the back of her head,
and pushes her face into his. They kiss gently. A long kiss, it gets deep.
Fade out.
Scene 6
Fade in. Daytime. Interior Bada Bing. Paulie, Silvio, Chris, Furio: are
sitting at the bar drinking and watching the Bada girls gyrate. Gigi walks in.
Paulie: (turning to greet Gigi)
Hey congratulations on the promotion. (shaking his hand and hugging him)
Gigi:
Grazi!
Silvio: (doing the same)
Congratulations.
Chris and Furio:: (doing the same)
Congratulations
Silvio: (to bartender)
Hey, let's have a couple of drinks over here, awright?
Good, good.
They all watch as the bartender pours 5 shots. They all reach for one.
Paulie:
Awright, listen. A toast to this greaseball bastard and and may he be blessed
with good fortune and things tuh come. (smiles, hold shot glass up)
Silvio:
Here, here
Furio::
Salute!
Chris:
Fuck 'em all, big and small, man!
They down the shots.
Gigi:
Ahhh, damn, brrrrrr (shaking face) Where's T? I need to tawk with him.
Silvio:
He's out.
Chris:
Awright boys, it's been a blast, we gotta roll. I got some business to take care
of.
Furio::
Ok, see youse guys later.
Furio and Chris leave.
Fade out
Scene 7
Exterior. Daytime. Chris and Furio pull up in front of "Piasono's Custom
Tailoring Shop" It is a store among a row of them that lines the street. They
get out of Chris's truck and walk inside. Frank "Piasono" Bartalone, is typing
away at his computer. Chris and Furio walk up.
Piasono: (shaking Chris' hand and then Furio's)
Hey, Chris, how you doin'?
Chris:
I'm fine. Let's talk in the back.
Pia:
Ok.
Chris and Furio walk around the counter and toward the back to the tiny office.
They enter the office. Chris sits in the chair behind the desk. Piasono is in
front of the desk standing. Furio is standing behind Pia.
Chris:
So? You owe me the money.
Pia: (shrugging his shoulders and holding his hands out)
Come on Chris, you were here three days ago. I mean Jesus Christ, let me make
some money. I got three kids for Christ sakes.
Furio:: (slapping Pia on the back of the head with his hand)
Watch yourself, goddamn it.
Pia:
Fuck!
Chris:
Well I'm here today. I want my money. What did I tell you the last time? I told
you I'm going to coming around collecting. This is bullshit and you know it.
I'll be here every week to get what is owed to me. This is my part of town and
you gotta understand how I'm running things now. So, don't give me any bullshit
about your kids. Stop fucking and you wont have any more kids. Keep your fucking
mouth shut too.
Pia:
Chris, I don't have what you want. I mean whatever I got is in the register out
front. (pointing toward the door)
Chris:
Wrong answer. (arrogantly looking at pia) I'm going to go out front and take
what's mine. But first were gonna leave a note so you don't forget to pay me
next week.
Pia:
What?
Furio grabs Pia's arm, and places Pia's hand on the desk flat. Furio: hands Chris
a small lead pipe. Chris stands up and whacks Pia's hand with the pipe.
Pia: (screaming)
Ahhhh!! (in agony) Fuck!! Ahhhhh!!
Chris:
Motherfucker!!! ( he smashes his hand again) You better fucking pay!! ( he
continues to smash his hand) You gonna fucking pay?
Pia:
Ahhh!! My hand you fuck! ( in extreme pain) Yes, yes, (he begins to cry) I'll
pay! I'll pay!!
Chris:
(swinging pipe) You better fucking pay! You fuck! ( he stops swinging the pipe)
Furio lets go of Pia, he falls to the floor in a whimper. You can hear him cry
slightly. Chris looks up at Furio, and smiles.
Furio:: (laughing)
Let's git the money and git outta here. Leave this pussy here to cry. (leaning
down toward Pia) You better start to listen to us. Or it's just going to get
worse.
Pia moans and rolls on the floor. They exit the office. In the background you
can hear the register being smashed. They take what they need and leave.
Fade out
Scene 8
Fade In.
Nighttime Chris and Silvio with two soilders of the Soprano
Family are exiting the rear of a building. They are dressed in dark clothes and
carrying containers. and a bag (contents unknown)
Silvio: (very quietly)
Come on fast, let's go. No, leave the door open. (pointing to the door)
Chris:
This shit stinks goddamn it!
Silvio:
Shud up!
Soldier 1:
Ok, its all set boss.
Chris:
Awright let's split, come on.
They pile into a van parked in the alley and drive away. Making a left onto the
street out front. Just as the van disappears around the corner, the buliding
they had exited explodes. Cut to the interior of the van, Soldier 1 and 2 look
through the rear window as the building is engulfed in flames.
(Queen's "Another one bites the dust" plays)
Exterior shot of van driving away in empty street
Fade out
Scene 9
Interior. Daytime Junior's house. Kitchen. Bobby Bacala is standing in front of
the stove. He's cooking. Smoke is coming up from the pan filling the kitchen.
The exhaust fan is running. Junior appears in the kitchen visibly pissed.
Junior:
Hey! Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you doing? You trying to give a goddamn
nosebleed? I can hardly breath this fresh air and your filling my house with
this fucking stink!?! Shut it off!
Bacala: (innocently)
It's my fish stew. I got some things from the market and figured you might like
it.
Junior:
It stinks like your mother's ass! Goddamn, throw it out or light a fucking
candle!
Bacala:
It's almost done. You can taste it. If you don't like it, I'll finish it.
Junior:
If you eat that, there's no way your crapping in my bathroom! Not enough candles
in the world to muffle your stink!
The phone rings. And Junior picks it up.
Junior:
Hello. (pause) Yes, ok I know thank you. (pause) bye. (he hangs up)
(to Bacala)
Ok we're going to the doctor at 2:30.
Bacala nods in agreement as smoke continues to hit his face.
Fade out
Scene 10
Fade In.
Daytime. Interior Junior's doctors' office. Junior is sitting on the
exam table. Tony walks in.
Tony: (walking up to and hugging junior)
Hey, how you doing?
Junior:
I'm fine. What's this shit you calling my doctor telling me to come down here? I
call you. You don't call me!!
Tony:
Awright, awright!! This is important. If you can get over your goddamn ego for
one second I can explain what is going on.
Junior:
Go 'head (junior crosses his arms and stares ahead and begins to listen)
Tony:
As you know, those commie bastards attacked my sister. So I had some things
taken care of to even it up. I'm telling you because your the boss. I don't want
you hearing anything bad. Like I'm trying to move on those fuckhead's' turf.
Junior:
What do you mean, "taken care of" ?
Tony:
I had one of their clubs torched last night.
Junior:
Awright, at least you didn't kill anybody. What do you think we might find
ourselves into with these commie red bastards?
Tony:
Hopefully nothing. But I'm not sure yet. I have my eyes open. We're watching
them. How you feeling?
Junior:
How am I feeling? I can't take a piss without it feeling like razorblades now.
That tons-of-fun fat fuck out there keeps stinking up my kitchen with his snatch
soup or whatever it is he fucking cooks! It will take a month a Sunday's get the
smell out of my house now. These fucking hard-on's keep fucking with my bracelet
over here. I can't even get mail without it going off. That's how I'm feeling.
Tony:
Same old same old, huh? (laughs)
Junior: (giving Tony the finger)
Fuck you!
Fade out.
Scene 11
Fade In Daytime AJ's High School. Once again it's the end of the day and AJ is
conversing with his friends. They are in a hallway, students are exiting the
building slowly.
Joe:
No practice today, huh?
AJ:
No, coach gave us the day off. (he slams his locker shut) Something about
recovery of our muscles after a week and a half of working out. I don't know
some shit. Who care's man?
Joe:
Yo, look who it is. (pointing toward the blonde girl again) She looks good
today. I wonder if shes wearing underwear. (laughs) You gonna cream your pants
again?
AJ:
Shut up! Here she comes.
The girl walks up to AJ
Girl:
Hi, you're AJ right?
AJ: (flushed)
Yea, um, what's your name?
Girl:
My name is Bonnie. (she smiles) But my friends call me Bon (giggles) or Bonbon.
Well my friends back at my old school really.
AJ:
Cool. This is my friend Joe. (pointing to joe)
Joe: (to Bonnie)
What's up?
AJ:
You're new right?
Bonnie:
Yea. I started about a month ago. We moved here from Glassboro. My dad got a job
here.
AJ:
Where's Glassboro? (confused)
Bonnie:
It's in South Jersey.
AJ and Joe:
Cool.(they both look at each other)
AJ:
Me and Joe were going to get some sodas. You want to come?
Bonnie:
Um, sure. I don't care, is it far??
AJ:
No, just a couple of blocks.
Bonnie:
Ok cool.
As Bonnie and AJ and Joe are strolling toward the door, two big upperclassmen
stand in front of them. Typical mean bullies' is what they represent.
Upperclassmen 1:
Hey, Soprano. You're the defensive captain? That's shit cause nobody ever been
defensive captain. The only reason you got it is cause the Coach is afraid of
your dad. If he wasn't you wouldn't even be on the team. (poking Aj's chest)
AJ:
That's shit. I earned it. You don't know what your talking about.
Upperclassmen 2:
Come on dude, everybody knows your dad is a murder and like the next John Gotti.
He kills anyone that don't pay him. He'd kill the coach too if he cut you.
AJ: (his face turns pale)
No way thats bullshit. Leave us alone now.
Upperclassmen 1:
Who's this chick? Is this girl you gonna bang AJ? (laughing slapping other
upperclassmen's hand) I bet you don't even have hair on your cock! (laughing
harder)
AJ:
Fuck you, get outta my way!(AJ tries to walk around him)
Upperclassmen 1:
Try to get around me.
AJ drops his backpack. Swings at the upperclassman 1 and nails him directly in
the face. The upperclassman heads snaps away, he covers his face with his hands.
AJ's reacts to the pain in his own hand by shaking it in the air. The
upperclassman 1 turns and tackles AJ to the floor of the hallway. The other
students in the halls, however few they may be begin to gather around and chant:
"Fight, fight, fight..." It fades and music starts
(LL cool J's "Mama said knock you out plays")
Joe: (cheering)
Kick his ass, AJ!! Yea!
The camera circles to the two as they tussle on the floor around the kids.
Bonnie, standing next to Joe looks on in amazement at the scene below her, eyes
wide open, mouth agape. AJ and Upperclassman 1 each get some punches in as they
roll. Soon after a teacher/administrator/security guard breaks up the fight.
AJ:
(being pulled away by teacher)
Fuck you! You asshole!
The other teachers tells the students to break it up and go home. The camera
pans up to see AJ and Upperclassman 1 being led off down the hall separtely.
Music and scene fade out.
Scene 12
Fade in.
Daytime Interior Soprano kitchen. Carmela is at the kitchen sink
washing off some glasses. Tony strolls in. Meadow is home in the living room
watching tv.
Tony:
Hello.(toward Madow)
Meadow throws her hand up and waves to her father without turning around.
Tony:
Nice. Nice greeting. (disgusted)
Carmela turns around and points at Tony
Carmela:
Don't.
Tony: (quietly)
Is that bastard here?
Carmela:
What did I say? No he's not. Now be nice.
Tony goes around the counter and reaches into the fridge.The phone rings, Carm
picks up.
Carmela:
Hello? (pause) Yes? (pause) Oh my god!
Tony:
What? What now?
Meadow turns around.
Carmela:
Yes, My husband and I are on the way.
Tony:
What? Where we going? What happened?
Carmela:
AJ was in a fight at school. We have to go down there and pick him up and disuss
his suspension.
Meadow
What? Is he ok?
Tony: (surprised)
AJ? In a fight? Shit.
Carmela:
He's fine Meadow. Lets go. (grabbing her handbag, she heads toward the front
door, Tony turns and follows)
Tony: (with a smirk on his face)
Do you think he won?
Carmela: (disgusted)
Oh, I don't believe you! Shut up!
They Exit the house. Fade out.
Scene 13
Fade In.
Nighttime. Artie Buco's restauarnt. Ralphie and Mrs. Aprile are sitting
at a table. Both sipping wine. The restaurant is half full.
Mrs. Aprile:
He's late. (looking at her watch)
Ralphie:
Did you think he really would have showed up?
Mrs. Aprile:
I don't know ( she puts her elbow on the table and her hand upon her forward
shaking it side to side) It's getting harder and harder to talk to him. Just to
get him to do things or go places. Each goddamn day it's like this. I don't know
what I'm supposed do.
Ralphie:
It's gonna be fine believe me. He will come around after he cools off a little
bit. I think he resents me for dating you. It would be hard for me too. Seeing
my mother with another guy, Christ! (sipping wine)
Mrs. Aprile:
I don't want him to make stupid mistakes like his father. That's the last thing
I need. (gulping wine)
Ralphie:
Hey slow down. None of that's going to happen. He's a good kid. He'll stay good
as long as I'm around.
Mrs. Aprile:
He better.
Jackie Jr. walks in the restaurant. He's got a goomare on his arm. He approaches
the table.
Jackie Jr.:
I'm sorry we're late. (pointing to the girl) This is Gabriella. Gabby this is my
mother. This is Ralphie. Are we ready to eat?
They sit down at the table. Jackie grabs an extra chair from another table and
sits Gabby down. Originally the table was set for three. A waiter comes up and
sets another place for her. Mrs. Aprile looks on in anger. Ralphie is silent.
The girl smiles at Mrs. Aprile, she shoots back a half-hearted smirk and takes a
gulp of wine.
Ralphie: (chuckling)
Where did you meet Jackie?(toward gabby)
Gabby:
Oh, from school. (she smiles)
Ralphie:
Really? That's nice.
The table suddenly jerks. Ralphie shrieks out in pain and grabs his leg.
Ralphie:
Ow shit! Damn it. (looking at Mrs. Aprile) I'm sorry I have a cramp in my leg it
happens from time to time. (grimacing looking at gabby)
There is silence as Ralphie composes himself. Other diners look on in silence.
Ralphie:
Are we ready to eat? (he summons the waitress)
Waitress:
Good evening, I'm Janie, (handing out the menus) I'll be serving you this
evening. Would you like to hear this evenings specials?
Ralphie:
Sure.
Janie:
Tonight we have a classic dish with a West-coast infusion. Veal Courtney, two
lightly saut?ed medallions of veal, tender chunks of Tofu, garnisheed with
Osetra Caviar, and served in a tarragon essence.
Ralphie:
You know what can you give us two more minutes.
Janie:
Sure. (the waitress walks away)
Mrs. Aprile:
You're still in school? (toward Jackie)
Jackie Jr.:
Yes. (scanning menu)
Mrs. Aprile:
Good. (toward gabby) What do you study my dear? (sarcastically)
Gabby:
Elementary education. (she smiles) I would like to teach young children one day.
Mrs. Aprile:
(sarcastically, not looking up from the menu, turning it's page.)
Well god bless you. Aren't you sweet.
Jackie Jr.:
If you can't be nice we will walk out of here.
Mrs. Aprile:
I am being nice.
Ralphie's face is buried behind the menu, he slowly lowers it to peak at Jackie
and Mrs. A.
Mrs. Aprile:
So, Gabby sweetheart, are you going to fuck my son later? (turning to look at
gabby, stone faced)
Ralphie drops the menu, and puts his hands in his face elbows on the table.
Gabby's jaw drops, she gasps. Jackie Jr. slams down the menu.
Jackie Jr.:
Ok that's it!! I cant fucking believe this. I come here and bring a nice girl
I'd think you'd like and you do this. Nice. (he pushes away from the table)
We're leaving. (towards his mother) That's it goodbye. I make an effort to come
and enjoy dinner. You ruin it.
Mrs. Aprile:
I ruin it?
Jackie Jr.:
Yeah! Your drunk you don't even know what your saying. ( he pauses) You know
what? Fuck it, fuck this let's go! Come on!
He grabs gabby by the arm and they storm out of the restaurant.
Ralphie:
Nice.
Fade out
Scene 14
Fade in.
Daytime. Interior. Upstairs room at the Bada Bing. Tony is seated at
the head of the table. Paulie, Silvio, Gigi are also there. Chris is
seated in the corner along side Furio.
Tony:
Have we heard anything from our friends?
Gigi:
Nothing yet. They may be re-grouping. I just talked to Georgie the Mason.
Paulie:
I want you to be careful Tony. These commie bastards are nuts. You (pointing to
Furio) keep your eyes open.
Furio nods in agreement.
Silvio:
That's right Tony. These fucks got all kinds of things going on. They employ
those black and Hispanics and shit to git all there dirty work done.
Tony:
All right, I'll becareful. We can agree we're on all alert here now. Understand?
They all nod.
Furio:
Who duh the fuck is Georgie the Mason?
Gigi:
One of my guys. Pain in the ass to hang out with. Don't ever go to a fucking
club with him.
Furio:
Why not?
Gigi:
This guy. If he sees you tawking to a chick he'll come up and start talking to
you and then her, and wedge his way in between. You know like he's building a
wall of brick between you and this broad. He's a cock blocker. Geo the mason.
You git it now??
Furio: (laughing)
Yea I get it. He wants a piece of everything.
Tony and company chuckle.
Tony:
Ok what can we expect from these fucks?
Paulie:
Well, they're unpredictable. So we'll see. They may come full force. Or just try
to take up some of our business.
Tony:
Ok, I want everybody heavy now for the next couple of days. Fucking don't
fucking shot yourselves in the fucking foot carrying it around. Don't go using
it to scratch your ass either. We don't need anybody getting pinched for this
shit.
Paulie nods. Silvio nods, as does the others.
Paulie:
I gotta go wash my hands
Chris:
You just washed your hands two minutes ago.
Paulie:
Yea, well I had my hands on that goddamn pay phone outside. (he stands up) You
know how many germs is on the phone out there?
Tony:
Here we go. (throwing both of his hands up)
Chris:
How many?
Paulie:
Over a thousand. A thousand fucking germs having sex on my hands and then I eat
a mortadella sangwich. Before you know it there are a million in my mouth and
then in my stomach. Then I'll fucking die of some disease I never heard with my
ass bleeding.
Furio: (sickened)
Yo!!
Paulie:
I'm gonna clean my hands again to kill the germs. Zat alright with youse guys?
Gigi:
Why don't you carry the things in the plastic around in your pocket? What are
they called?? (snapping his fingers trying to remember)
Paulie: (pleasantly surprised)
Thats a good idea.
Silvio:
Yeah, you get 'em when you eat lobster and ribs. The wet good smelling napkin.
The um, um, it's......the thingy.....(snapping fingers)
Chris:
A towelette??
Gigi and Silvio: (in unison)
Yeah!
Paulie:
I'll think about it.
Tony:
Ok, enough bullshit. Get outta here.
Fade out.
Scene 15
Fade In.
Nighttime. Interior Melfi's house. Melfi is laying on the couch
underneath a blanket. She is awake. Smiling. The camera cuts to Tony sitting in
on a Rocker adjacent from the sofa. He is in his boxers, nothing else. He is
holding a brandy snifter in his hand. Slowly swirling the liquor inside.
Tony: (to Dr. Melfi)
Was it better than you expected?
Dr. Melfi:
Way better. I can't wait for more. (smiling)
Tony:
Can't wait for more? I got more for you.
Tony puts the glass down. And crawls over to Melfi. He lifts the blanket at her
waist and goes under there to give her head.
Dr. Melfi:
Mmmm... yes... eat it!
Cut to Melfi on the couch. Daytime. She gasps as she awakens, sits up and
realizes it was all a dream.
Fade out
Scene 16
Fade in.
Nighttime. Interior Soprano's dining room. Tony, Carmela, AJ and Janice
are sitting and eating.
Tony: (to AJ)
How's your face?
Carmela: (to Tony)
Hey!
AJ:
(AJ has a black eye and scraped up chin and swollen lip.)
I'm fine.
Tony: (chuckling)
You look great.
Carmela:
What did I just say?
Janice:
Ever since I've seen the new light in my life, I have really taken a stance on
violence. I believe we can tawk out a lot of our differences. There is no need
to hurt each other. God didn't intend for us to kill each other.
Tony:
Can you save the bullshit until after I'm done eating?( he puts a meatball in
his mouth)
Janice:
Tony, why do you have to use such language?
AJ:
If god didn't intend us to, why are they always fighting in the mid-east over
him.
Tony:
Because the woman over there are wrapped up like hoagies. The men don't have
nothing else to fight over.
AJ: (confused)
Hoagies?
Carmela:
I think I agree with Janice here.
Tony: (surprised)
Agree? (making the sign of the cross) Jesus, Mary and Joseph...what is the world
coming to?(AJ laughs)
Janice:
Tony it's ok. You can tawk like that all you want. The lord will still love at
the end of the day. You know, I got this book from the library. I think you
should read it Tony. It may really change your outlook on life.
Tony:
Is it called "Tomato Sauce for your ass"? (he chuckles)
Janice:
What?
Tony:
Nothing, a little inside joke.
Janice:
Anyway, the book describes how each family situation or business or just general
inquiries should be handled without having to escalate to violence.
Tony:
Did this book say anything about blowing smoke up anyone's particular ass?
AJ: (laughs)
Yeah
Carmela: (to AJ)
I think your done eating Anthony Jr. Take your plate into the kitchen please.
AJ:
Aww man. I didnt even finish the manicotti.
Carmela:
Go!
Tony:
Another nice dinner. (smiling sarcastically, and stuffs a piece of bread in his
mouth)
Carmela:
Why do you have to be such a smartass all the time?
Tony:
Ask the reverend she seems to have all the answers tonight. (pointing fork at
Janice)Your salad looks tasty tonight.(he shoves another meatball in his mouth.)
Janice:
I love both of you very much you know.
Tony continues to eat and then gives a stare to Janice.
Carmela: (trying to infuse a differnet subject)
Oh, I started my art classes this week.
Janice:
Really? Your taking art classes? That's great! What type of art are you
learning?
Carmela:
Well, It's an art-history class. I want to learn about the basics of the art
world. From the early cave drawing to todays modern painters. (she smiles)
Tony:
Another blow out the budget hobby.
Janice:
Oh, Tony! (laughing) I'm glad your getting into art. It's a great thing.
Carmela smiles and nods. A close up of Tony finishing off a glass of red wine as
he stares intently at Janice.
Fade out.
Scene 17
Fade in.
(Guns and Roses rendition of "Knocking of heaven's door" plays)
Nighttime Exterior. We see the front of Satriales. It is late, all the
surrounding stores and building are dark and closed. The camera cuts back and
forth, very slowly as the song plays, from showing the "Satriales" sign a top
the building, to the small table and chairs in front, the awning, the glass
windows displaying price signs. The camera pauses and pans right 90 degrees. The
headlights of a truck pop over the horizon and get larger as the truck gets
closer. The song fades away. The truck stops in front of Satriales. It sits
there quietly for several seconds. Then from the back six men emerge. each
carrying two wine bottles with rags sticking out of them. A man from the
passenger side steps out. He quickly pulls out a lighter from his pocket. He
starts lighting the rags on fire. Yelling in Russian at the men, and pointing at
different locations on the building. One man goes around the side of the
building he throws a fiery bottle on the roof. It explodes on impact. Two other
men around the front throw two bottles a piece through the front windows of the
deli. They, too explode on impact. Setting the inside of the dsotre ablaze. The
other remaining men do the same. Two more bottles hit the room. In a matter of
minutes the place starts to burn. The men quickly jump back into ot he truck and
it speeds off down the road. The camera catches the truck take off. It pans back
to the front of Satriales. Pulling away we see the entire store in the frame,
burning.
(Garth Brooks "Friends in low places" plays)
As the music cues up. Fire trucks arrive, slowly.
Fade out.
Scene 18
Fade In.
Daylight. Artie Buco's Restaurant. Johnny Sack is seated with his
goomare. They are eating lunch. Tony approaches the table and sits down.
Johnny:
Hey Tone, thanks for coming.
Tony:
Sure.
Johnny:
This is my friend Melanie. We were shopping today. Had a good time.
Tony:
Good it's a nice day to shop.
Johnny:
Hey poohbear can you go get us a couple of drinks from the bar??
Melanie
Sure.
Melanie gets up from the table and heads to the bar. Johnny winks at Tony and
points to the girl. They watch as her ass jiggles underneath her skirt.
Johnny:
Maddon', this girl cud suck this country right out of it's debt if they asked.
Tony: (laughing)
That good huh?
Johnny:
You know it.
Tony:
I sure do. (he smiles) So whats this all about?
Johnny: (he sighs and puts down his fork)
I heard what happened to your place last night. How bad did they get you?
Tony:
Not to bad, the firefighters got there pretty quick and put it out. The front
deli was charred up pretty bad that part is gone. The roof needs to be replaced.
I'm just glad it didn't burn to the ground. The windows are wrecked. But the
back where the walk-in freezers and refrigerators are is fine. Those fuckers hit
home! (pointing at Sack)
Johnny:
Good, good. It doesn't sound to bad. At least no one was in there when it
happened. (he clears his throat) Listen Tone, a lot of shit has been going on.
Not just here between your trash routes. But up in New York too. The feds are
wiring up everybody they can. No one is safe anymore. We can't get to sloppy
down here right now, you have to understand. We don't need a war. Especially
with a different Mafia. These fucks make their own rules as they go. They're not
civilized like us. So, New York is watching you. They don't like what they've
seen in the past week. So I called you here today to tell you they want to have
a sit-down with you and your enemy. In New York. (he pauses) In Brooklyn.( he
pauses) You'll be seeing the boss,(he pauses again and looks sternly at Tony)
Rocco Fonte.
Tony:
The man?
Johnny:
The man. (he affirms)
Tony grabs the glass of water off the table. He lifts it to his lips, pauses
just before it reaches his lips, staring away from Sack, at the wall.
Tony: (thinking to himself as Sack looks at him)
Hmmmmm...
(Beastie Boys "No sleep till Brooklyn" plays)
He drinks the water from the glass and then takes a pull on his Cigar, the music
continues to play.......he drinks again..the camera pulls away....song
continuing and a cloud of smoke surrounding Tony.....
Fade out.
~Written by~
REGISPHILBIN
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