Episode 43
Uncle Junior: You go to Road Island and what ever you do, don’t mention drugs… coke, heroin, not even Tylenol.
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Episode 43
Johnny Sack: For God’s sake, we bend more rules then the Catholic Church.
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Episode 43
Carmine: Is it safe?
Silvio: We each got a new cell phone. You use it once, you toss it. Totally untraceable. That’s what the Taliban used to do.
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Episode 43
Tony: You equate love with money!
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Episode 43
Johnny Sack: I want you to sanction a hit on Ralph Cifaretto.
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Episode 43
Tony: Any idea who is writing the Family gossip column?
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Episode 42
Ralphie: I represent the group of concerned citizens who are very upset about this protest you are spearheading… No puns intended…
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Episode 42
Silvio: I'm gonna f**king hang you up there!!!
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Episode 41
Adriana: You were saying she’s got a nice ass!
Christopher: I was trying to say something positive because she is your friend.
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Episode 41
Tony: I suppose that all those parties she constantly goes to are all memorials for Jackie Jr.
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Episode 41
Tony: Think Christopher, think! The big f**king picture, huh...
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Episode 41
Christopher: Harry Winston, baby! It got more carrots then Bugs Bunny.
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Episode 41
Christopher: First thing I am doing is getting wings in my hair. You know, like Paulie…
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Episode 41
Patsy: The guy is in the can. You think you want to keep him happy, maybe?
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Episode 41
Ralphie: I hear Ginny Sack is having a 95 pound mole taken off her ass.
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Episode 41
Carmela: You gonna become a citizen too?
Furio: Nah, you don't need that
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Episode 37
Jackie: Wanna do some X?
Meadow: I’m already taking Nyquil.
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Episode 37
Paulie: With all the shit we’ve been through, you think I’ll really kill you?
Christopher: Yeah, I do.
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Episode 37
Paulie: Don’t make me pull rank on you kid.
Christopher: F**k you, Paulie. Captain or no Captain, right now we are just two ass holes lost in the woods.
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Episode 37
Paulie: You’re not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator.
Christopher: His house looked like shit.
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Episode 37
Tony: As much as I love my wife, being with Gloria makes me happier then all of your Prozac and all of your therapy combined.
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Episode 37
Tony: She’s smart, she’s sexy, she’s Italian. You stick to your own kind.
Dr. Melfi: What is this, West Side Story now?
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Episode 37
Paulie: Universal remote… You probably wiped you ass barehanded before you came to this country.
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Episode 37
Christopher: The Russians… There are not all bad.
Paulie: How about the Cuban missile crises?
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Episode 37
Tony: It’s through therapy. We are learning how to communicate.
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Episode 36
Tony: Meadow thinks that she would still be going out with an Oreo cookie if it were not for me.
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Episode 36
Carmela: Where were you last night?
Tony: No where. I was a monogamy poster boy. Swear to God!
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Episode 36
Paulie: The Boss of the Family told you gonna be Santa Clause. You're Santa Clause.
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Episode 36
Big Pussy: I always wanted a house by the ocean. May be in another life.
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Episode 35
Tony: Is Meadow still
here?
Carmela: Jackie Jr. took
her to the city to see Aida.
Tony: I-eat-her?!
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Episode 35
Gloria: Is it loaded?
Tony: There is nothing more useless then an unloaded gun.
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Episode 35
Paulie: Snakes were f**king themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up to Eden.
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Episode 35
Paulie: How can you trust a guy who can literally go f**k them selves.
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Episode 35
Furio: Don't bitch to me. Bet with your head, not over it.
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Episode 34
Ralphie: A, she was a Whore. B, She hit me.
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Episode 34
Johnny Sack: Don't talk crazy. You wanna commit a suicide, pills are allot easier.
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Episode 34
Tony: I'm trying to quit smoking.
Gloria: Serial killer. I murdered sever relationships.
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Episode 34
Christopher: The thing with turkeys is they don’t have no sense of direction. They were on the way to Food Emporium and now look.
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Episode 34
Silvio: Make him disappear or make nice. You only got two choices.
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Episode 34
Paulie: Let's whack this c*ck sucker and be done with it.
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Episode 34
Ralphie: I'm on a roll here...
Gigi: You'll be on a slab if you keep it up.
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Episode 33
Tony: I already got one and Mr. Williams here… He does not play.
Furio: Stupid f**king game.
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Episode 33
Tony: I won’t pay. I know too much about extortion.
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Episode 33
Tony: You see my wife, you talk about oven cleaning. Anything else, you come to me.
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Episode 33
Uncle Junior: Anthony is a cunt hair away from owning the whole Northern New Jersey. And I am that cunt hair.
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Episode 33
Meadow: You call losing a wonderful man because of dad a Thing?
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Episode 33
Andiana: Since you’ve been “IN”, I just can’t believe all this stuff we’ve been getting.
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Episode 33
Carmela: I am not the one who needs mental help. I just needed to vent.
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Episode 33
Carmela: You know about his job. He reports to a strip club. Who knows how he spends his days.
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Episode 33
Anthony Jr.: We are going to the FBI headquarters
Tony: So?
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Episode 33
Paulie: I guess you could call that a dick.
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Episode 33
Paulie: Kid, are you wearing a wire?
Christopher: You f**king crazy?
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Episode 32
Tony: He died, that’s all. Work related death. It’s just sad when they go so young.
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Episode 32
Paulie: That c*ck sucker was way out of line.
Tony: Twenty years old, this girl.
Paulie: That too.
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Episode 32
Silvio: Till you pay what you owe, that shaved twat of yours belongs to me! You understand?
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Episode 32
Ralphie: Look at Kirk Douglas’ f**king hair? They did not have flattops in enchant Rome!
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Episode 32
Ralphie: Where is Tony?
Gigi: Getting his weasel greased.
Ralphie: Oh, your kid brother is here?
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Episode 32
Paulie: Oh, look at that! It’s like an ad for a f**king weight loss center. It’s before and WAY before…
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Episode 32
Georgie: VIP work, VIP prices. It’s fifty bucks to me plus a blow job later on. You know you gonna make at least half a G in there.
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Episode 32
Ralphie: I had to quit school in the 11th grade to help my mother. I was supposed to be an architect.
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Episode 32
Tony: There he is! Fresh Prince of New Jersey.
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Episode 30
Silvio: She’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
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Episode 30
Johnny Sack: Oh, look who is here, the gene welcome wagon.
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Episode 30
Ralphie: Speaking of the royal Family... I hear you did a stickup with Christopher Moltisanti.
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Episode 31
Dr. Melfi: You’re both very angry.
Tony: Yeah, you must’ve been in the top of your f**king class.
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Episode 30
Dr. Melfi: I’ve been charmed by a sociopath.
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Episode 31
Uncle Junior: These things come in threes
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Episode 31
Janice: Uncle Jun, another toothpick...
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Episode 31
Charmaine: If you do this Artie, if you chose Tony over me...
Artie: What, you're getting a divorce?
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Episode 31
Bacala Sr.: He wasn’t some citizen. This kid has Friends.
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Episode 30
Ralphie: Strength and honor!
Tony: Scotch and soda!
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Episode 29
Dr Melfi: Witnessing not only your mother and father’s sexuality but also the violence and blood so closely connected to the food you were about to eat.
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Episode 29
Tony: Probably the only time the old man got laid.
Dr. Melfi: Probably.
Tony: Pretty sick huh? Getting turned on by free cold cuts.
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Episode 29
Johnny Soprano: Let it be a lesson to you. A man honors his debts.
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Episode 29
Svetlana: Twenty thousand dollars. That’s how much it costs, that leg she took.
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Episode 29
Tony: I’m gonna say a few things, I’m gonna a say same bad words and you just gonna have to deal with it.
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Episode 29
Paulie: I’m gonna give you couple of extra days. But it’s gonna cost you two Gs, as a reminder not to f**k it up.
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Episode 29
Svetlana: Don’t give me bulls**t, where is my leg?
Janice: Your leg, oh yeah! Where is your..?
Svetlana: I know you took it!
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Episode 29
Carmela: You want to talk to your father? He is outside.
Meadow: Burning a cross?
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Episode 29
Tony: Where were we?
Dr. Melfi: The connection between your anxiety attacks and meat…
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Episode 28
Uncle Junior: I'm f**king fed up.
Tony: Hey, I'm on the street. That's the arrangement. Stay home, clip your coupons. Be a happy man.
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Episode 28
Tony: Is that right, whishing her dead? Is that being a good son?
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Episode 28
Svetlana: Proshai, Livushka...
Tony: Which means?
Svetlana: Goodbye, little Livia.
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Episode 28
Anthony Jr.: I thought Black was death.
Meadow: White too...
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Episode 28
Meadow: Did you say something to Noah?
Tony: If you're smart, you'll keep walking down those stairs.
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Episode 28
Tony: You know, for a year I did not speak to you. May be we should of kept it that way… F**k it, do what you want.
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Episode 28
Livia: I wish the Lord would take me now.
Tony: Well, in the mean time...
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Episode 28
Carmela: If you want her to be with him, just keep it up. Keep playing the race card. You gonna drive her right into his arms.
Tony: Not if I cut off those arms.
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Episode 27
Tony: Log off. That cookie sh*t makes me nervous.
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Episode 27
House Maid: Who wrote the Star Spangled Banner?
Her Husband: Martin Luther King...
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Episode 6
Uncle Junior: Even the coffee is old in here.
Livia: How much complaining can you do?
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Episode 5
Tony: Hello Rat...
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Episode 3
Junior: Take it easy. We're not making a Western here
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Episode 26
Tony: Before it’s over, they will pin that Egypt air thing on me, and you f**king know it!
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Episode 26
Big Pussy: Not in the face, ok? Give me that? Keep my eyes.
Paulie: You were like a brother to me.
Tony: To all of us.
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Episode 26
Big Bussy: I am telling you, this disinformation s**t is an affective technique. It’s a freaking ace!
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Episode 26
Tony: I had a dream that I f**ked your brains out. Right on that desk, and you loved it
Dr. Melfi: Well you through that at me like a rock.
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Episode 26
Dr. Melfi: After two years of treating you, I've learned things, and I pick up sorrow coming from you.
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Episode 24
Dr. Melfi: I am drinking in between sessions.
Dr. Kupferberg: It's very serious.
Dr. Melfi: Just on the days when I see him.
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Episode 23
Paulie: You know that other party, who said he saw something, that we know did not happen? He realizes now, he didn't see what we klnow did not happen...
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Episode 24
Dr. Melfi: Two years ago I thought RICO was a relative of his.
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Episode 24
Uncle Junior: You know how I feel about feet.
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Episode 24
Uncle Junior: My f**king hand is stock down the drain so I can not reach the f**king phone.
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Episode 22
Tony: Do you eat steak?
Paulie: What a f**k you talkin about?
Tony: If you were in India, you would go to Hell for that.
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Episode 25
Janice: What did you do with him?
Tony: We buried him, on a hill, overlooking a little river with pine cones all around.
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Episode 22
Paulie: Christopher did not have a dream. In my dream I make my peace… He was dead. Science said he was dead. Science!
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Episode 22
Dr. Melfi: I am living in the moral never never land with this patient. Not wanting to judge but to treat. But now I’ve judged. I took a position God Damn it and I am scared.
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Episode 22
Christopher: I am going to Hell, T.
Tony: You're not going anywheres but home.
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Episode 22
Carmela: Listen Tony, if you gonna keep doing what you do…that at the very least I want you to get a vasectomy.
Tony: You want me to do what???
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Episode 22
Paulie: I don't want that f**k here, I told him that.
Pussy: He is full of negative energy.
Tony: He said he will only come back here if he had something on Matthew.
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Episode 21
Richie: If there's anything you can do for me ...let me know
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Episode 21
Tony: What's Johnie Sack said about that?
Uncle Junior: F**k New York
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Episode 20
Anthony Jr.: What does she know?
Tony: She knows, that even if the God is dead, you still gonna kiss his ass!
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Episode 15
Anthony Jr.: What did one prick say to another prick?
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Episode 15
Uncle Junior: My father told me to never get old, I should of listened to him.
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Episode 15
Livia: Some day, I hope you have children of your own, and they treat you like this.
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Episode 14
Tony: Who's your f**kin boss, huh? Who's your boss?
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Episode 14
Livia: I saw a light, voices calling out to me
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Episope 20
Tony: You trying to get me to lose my temper? Because I'm gonna put you though that God Damn window
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Episode 10
Carmela: You know, Tony, it's a multiple choice thing with you. 'Cause I can't tell if you're old-fashioned, you're paranoid, or just a f**king asshole.
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Episode 10
Massive G: You people are alright. Godfather? I've seen that movie 200 times. Godfather II was definitely the s**t. The third one, a lot of people didn't like it, but I think it was just misunderstood.
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Episode 2
Dr. Melfi: Sad is good. Unconscious isn't.
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Episode 2
Tony: It's a good thing time is up. I don't wanna talk to you anymore.
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Episode 2
Christopher: Maybe one reason why things are so f**ked up in the organization is guys running off, not listening to middle management.
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Episode 15
Uncle Junior: Don't be so f**kin' smart. Things could’ve gone the other way, my little nephew.
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Episode 14
Paulie Walnuts: He had two ass holes when they buried him...
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Episode 10
Christopher: Hesh is the world's sweetest guy, but I've heard his opinions on giving back pieces of Israel. I can only imagine what he's going to say about this s**t.
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Episode 10
Paulie Walnuts: Juan Valdez has been separated from his donkey.
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Episode 9
Mikey: F**kin' manners, please?
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Episode 9
Livia: My son, the mental patient.
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Episode 9
Tony: Uncle June, how was Boca?
Junior: Wonderful. I don't go down enough.
Carmela: That's not what I heard.
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Episode 8
Livia: I'm sure he's telling his psychiatrist it's all his mother's fault.
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Episode 8
Carmela: Did you know that an Italian invented the telephone?
Anthony Jr.: Alexander Graham Bell was Italian?
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Episode 8
Bakery clerk: You motherf**ker! You shot my foot!
Christopher: It happens.
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Episode 7
Livia: He goes to talk about his mother. That's what he's doing. He talks about me, he complains. 'She didn't do this, she did that.' Oh, I gave my life to my children on a silver platter, and this is how he repays me.
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Episode 7
Silvio: My daughter's been giving me all this feminist s**t about this place. How it "objectifies" women, s**t like that. These girls are pulling down $1500 a week, this bears no weight with the princepessa.
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Episode 6
Tony: Carm, you're not just in my life. You are my life.
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Episode 6
Tony: This psychiatry s**t. Apparently what you're feeling is not what you're feeling, and what you're not feeling is your real agenda.
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Episode 6
Dr. Melfi: When's the last time you had a prostate exam?
Tony: Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my face.
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Episode 5
Tony: There is no Mafia.
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Episode 5
Meadow: Are you in the Mafia?
Tony: I'm in the waste management business. Everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up. It's a stereotype, and it's offensive.
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Episode 4
Christopher: This ain't negotiation time. This is Scarface, final scene, f**kin' bazookas under each arm, 'say hello to my little friend!'
Silvio: Always with the scenarios.
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Episode 4
Livia: I wish the Lord would take me now.
Tony: You know, I come here to get cheered up. You think that's a mistake?
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Episode 4
Meadow: I hate my life, being a Soprano.
Christopher: Hey, don't ever say you hate life. That's blasphemy.
Meadow: F**k you.
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Episode 3
Uncle Junior: You gotta lot of sense for an old gal.
Livia: No, I'm a babbling idiot. That's why my son put me in a nursing home.
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Episode 3
Mikey: I think you should'a taken care of this Christopher Moltisanti thing the minute it first happened. You should'a sent a clear cut signal that if you f**k with Junior Soprano
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Episode 2
Livia: Then kill me now. Go on, go, go into the ham, and take the carving knife. And stab me here, here! Now
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Episode 2
Tony: You gotta stop. You gotta stop with this...this black poison cloud all the time 'cause I can't take it anymore.
Livia: Oh, poor you!
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Episode 2
Big Pussy: Oh, again with the 'rape of the culture'. Can we go find these Spice Girls already and get this over with?
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Episode 1
Carmela: What's different between you and me is that you're going to hell when you die
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Episode 1
Christopher: You know, a simple "Way-to-go-Chris-on-the-Tri-Borough-Towers-contract" would've been nice.
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Episode 1
Dr. Melfi: With today's pharmacology, no one needs to suffer with feelings of exhaustion and depression.
Tony: Here we go. Here comes the Prozac.
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Episode 1
Christopher: Louis Brazzi sleeps with the fishes.
Big Pussy: Luca Brazzi. Luca...
Christopher: Whatever.
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Episode 1
Uncle Junior: You may run North Jersey but you don't run your Uncle Junior. How many f**king hours did I spend playing catch with you!?
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Episode 1
Tony: It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that, I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.
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Episode 1
Anthony Jr.: So what, no f**kin' ziti now?
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Episode 1
Dr. Melfi: What kind of work are you in?
Tony: Waste management consultant.
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