The Sopranos - Family Values

Review By Dr. Scott

Back to 5th Season Episode Guide

Season Five, Episode Ten (Episode 62 - COLD CUTS)

Review By Dr. Scott

As always, let’s take a moment before we get to the review to wade through the fallout that resulted from my review last week. You remember– the one where I experimented with a "running commentary" style of reviewing The Sopranos, writing as I watched? I sure remember it. What a disaster. To be fair to myself, more than half the emails I received were from people who liked this new style, the remainder being from those who didn’t. I’m in the latter camp, and won’t be doing that again. I didn’t feel like I was able to catch everything in the episode– such as the moment when Flynn saw Vito humming showtunes on the crotch of that security guard– because I was A) writing the damn review, B) fairly drunk, and C) otherwise indisposed at the time. Another multitasker wrote to tell me that he, too, tries to do too many things at one time. My immediate response to this was, "Yeah, and under the influence of that bitch goddess tequila, no less." Thus, we now return you to your regul arly scheduled review format. Enjoy.

"Cold Cuts" stands as one of my favorite episodes this season. Many things happened, with very few moments seeming inconsequential, and the direction from guest director Mike "LEAVING LAS VEGAS" Figgis was perfect for this show. Bravo to whomever made that decision.

In no particular order, let’s look at some of the things we saw this week.

Janice, Tony’s sister and seeming doppleganger of Livia Soprano, got things started by pummeling another soccer mom during her daughter’s, er, soccer game. Someone was good enough to bring a video camera to the match, so that when Janice was arrested for assault, the evening news had some pretty impressive visual aids to match their report. Tony was, oddly, very angry with Janice about dragging his name back onto television. After visiting her, he had a brief chat with Bobby, Janice’s current husband, where he told the guy: "I won’t tell you again: Get your wife under control."

The resulting scene, with Bobby giving Janice the ultimatum that she could either attend anger management classes or find herself without a husband for the umpteenth time was great. I’ve been waiting for such a scene for awhile. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but I’m no fan of Janice. Like I said, she reminds me of Livia in plenty of ways, and it seems like the writers and Chase have used her as a substitute for that character since the actress passed away. I find Janice amusing at times, but overall I kind of hate her and wish a piano would come whistling out of the sky and crush her to death. On hot pavement.

Meadow and Flynn were mentioned in brief, during a scene where Tony showed up at his former house only to find the pool drained and Carmela unapologetic about it. Tony follows her inside, tries to be sweet to her for a moment, and she tosses it back in his face. I wondered whether or not she even noticed that the Big Guy was trying, only to have that question answered for me when she ran into Metzger, the school guy she banged several episodes ago, and told him that she and Tony were getting back together. Subconscious slip, methinks. I still hope that the two will reunite, but nothing’s ever certain in this world.

Christopher and Blundetto seemed to work things out. We got a scene with Chris whining to Adrianna about how he was being ignored in favor of Tony’s cousin, during which we found out that both Tony and Blundetto picked on Chris when they were all kids. In another scene, Christopher was bitching to Paulie about the situation, to which Paulie replied: "Now you know how I felt." Things came to a head when Tony ordered Chris and Blundetto up to "Uncle Pat’s" to get rid of some bodies they’d buried there back in the day. On the drive up, Chris is short and not-too-sweet with Blundetto until he learns that he wasn’t the only one that had to get the piss taken out of him during the stays at Uncle Pat’s. The two seemed to be getting along well for the moment.

Meanwhile, Tony and Janice had a talk where she told Tony all about her anger management classes (which we also got to see a bit of; The comment the UPS guy made was a standout), telling him that she’d finally figured out a way not to make everyone around her miserable 24 hours a day. Tony seemed reservedly happy for her, but I suspected that he had his doubts. More on that in a moment.

So, Tony joins Chris and Blundetto up at Pat’s, and the three go out to dinner. By this point, Tony B. and Chris were tentative friends, but Chris gets all pissy during the dinner when he has to suffer some jokes made at his expense. I wasn’t cool with the whole "Tony telling Chris to get a drink" thing, and I’m still unsure whether or not he truly meant what he told his younger cousin or if he was "breaking balls". The following morning, Chris ducked out of Pat’s place early when the friendly abuse started again during breakfast. A brief scene then took place featuring Chris driving home, on the verge of crying.

What do I think about that? I think Chris is too damned insecure for his own good, something we saw earlier this year (in what I still say is the episode to beat this season, "Irregular around the Margins") when he lost his shit over rumors that Tony and Adrianna had been engaged in some road head during their car accident. With his total meltdown after that, the whining to Adrianna about feeling looked over, and with his crying scene in tonight’s episode, I’d say that Chris needs to "cowboy up" (as a friend of mine once said whenever he felt his drinking buddies weren’t drinking enough) and be thankful that Adrianna stuck around and he didn’t die in the wake of his meltdown.

Did I mention the scene with Adrianna in her underwear? Thanks, Figgis. I love you!

The episode ended with Tony arriving at Janice’s for dinner. During the meal, Tony intentionally provokes Janice, testing to see how good her therapy really was. I wondered if she was gonna snap, but I didn’t have to wait long: A few snide comments about her estranged son later, Janice was lunging at Tony with her silverware. Tony, unruffled, walks out the house, down the steps, and down the street as a completely appropriate song I can’t recall the name of played on the soundtrack.

All this added up to one of my favorite episodes this season. Excellent stuff, and...

Oh, wait: I didn’t mention the whole Johnny Sack situation. Early in the episode– the first scene, as a matter of fact– a couple of Tony’s guys are seen waiting on a dock in Port Newark for the arrival of a fleet of Vespa scooters. They don’t show up, and Tony goes to question Johnny about it. Johnny tells Tony that he had problems getting the scooters, saying it didn’t happen before adding: "A lot of things haven’t been happening. Your little cousin didn’t kill Billy (or whatever his name was), and I didn’t get those (scooters)." Which, of course, gets Tony pissed, and led him to find out that Sack did, in fact, get the scooters and had lied to him. What does this mean? Well, it means that someone’s gonna end up dead, and we just gotta wait around to find out who. I’d love to see Johnny Sack eat a bullet. For the record and stuff.

On the preview for next week’s show, we were cruelly reminded that there were only three episodes left this season by the folks at HBO. And, with that, the suicide rate in the U.S. skyrockets. Besides that, we saw clips from next week’s episode that showed Leotardo whacking someone (unseen), Chris getting angry about something, and....shit, I can’t remember anything else. I guess I was reeling from how good episode 62 was. Sorry, those of you who don’t get the previews. Maybe someone else can help you with that.

Anyway, guys, that’s it for this week. Things have been busy around the Doc’s Office lately, what with my first job on a real-live film about to begin and that book well into its 20th chapter. But I always make time for The Family.

Even when I’ve been drinking.

Word.

Dr. Scott

If you have comments about this review send them directly to Dr. Scott at until_dark@yahoo.com

Back to 5th Season Episode Guide